Fierce
by wearemagnetised
Summary: Noah Puckerman likes his babes fierce. Rated T for mentions of sex and F-bombs? Oneshot


**Well after lurking around for a long-ass time, I finally decided to write something and publish it here. I'm a sailor when it comes to swearing so the last 2 paragraphs have plenty of F-bombs. I don't usually write stories and it's my first fic so please keep that in mind. Hope you enjoy it if you can.**

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**Fierce**

Now Noah "badass-stud" Puckerman isn't the smartest guy around here and he definitely isn't a know-it-all. If there is one thing that he knows though, it's himself (or so he thinks). Puck knows that even though sweet and quiet girls are cute, they're so not his type. No, sir, the Puckasaurus likes his babes fierce.

Take Santana, for example. Even though he doesn't feel much else for her besides lust, her "bitch, I will cut you" attitude is quite the turn-on. Oh Puck would never admit it if confronted (which no one in their right minds would do – seriously, his guns. Need he say more?), but the correlation between the level of venom in Santana's insults during sex and the size of his boner is undeniably positive, i.e. the bigger, the better. The scratches are just a bonus.

And then there's Quinn. Of course she's a little insecure about her weight and had mellowed out unbelievably during her pregnancy, but Quinn Fabray has some HBIC moments when you really, really do not want to piss her off. He still winces at the memory of blue his balls were during the period of time when she lived in the same house with him. With Quinn's baby hormones making her a complete and utter bitch (and him a horny bastard) without letting him in her already-pregnant-panties, along with all the cheerios keeping their distance as if one touch would get them pregnant; Puck had never been better friends with his right hand.

Of course it would be an enormous mistake to overlook Aretha Mercedes. That girl's attitude is probably even bigger than her voice. She's probably the only girl at McKinley who rivals Santana and one of a few that has earned Puck's genuine respect. It was a terrible shame that the little… whatever-it-was between them ended before he could even get to second base because damn, Mercedes is one fierce bitch.

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The first day back to school after the Winter Break has some surprise waiting for Noah Puckerman. Staying at home for 2 weeks had him itching to push and shove from poor loser in the hall way so he goes for the first one he sees as he enters the school. It isn't like he has anyone specific in mind but merely due to chance (?), fate (?) or whatever that the aforementioned unfortunate soul happens to be Kurt Hummel. He had stopped bullying Hummel since he joined glee but hey you can't fight impulse. Without a thought preceding his action, his arm reaches out as soon as the kid is close enough and gives him a small shove. It also isn't his fault that the boy is all skin and bones and can't stand his ground but instead, goes straight into the nearby row of lockers. Hearing the crash of body against metal, Puck contemplates turning around to see if Hummel's okay, they were teammates after all. He quickly decides against it though, because badasses don't care. It's just like that song by the Lone Island, what is it called? Oh right "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions". Puck reasons that the same applies for shoving.

He's just about to turn around the corner when his name comes ringing through the hallway in a delicious screech that causes some of his blood to rush to his groin before he recognises that the voice belonged to Hummel and confusion envelopes him. Years of being a bully has taught him how to master his exterior though, so he quickly composes his facial expression into his trademark smirk and raised eyebrow before turning back to face an enraged Kurt Hummel. The small boy's whole face is red, instead of the delicate little blush he usually sees on the kid's cheeks when someone teases or compliments. Temporarily suppressing confused thoughts of how and why he noticed when the girly boy blushed, he concentrates on the present situation. He's pretty sure if they were in a comic or cartoon, steam would be coming out of Hummel's ears and nostrils by now. Puck watches- stunned- as the usually calm and composed pale boy marches towards him with a murderous look in his eyes. Puck's body reacts to the sight in a way that he really isn't ready to deal with yet so he tries to ignore the weird tugging in the pit of his stomach.

"YOU DESPICABLE, DIM-WITTED, REPUGNANT, DELETERIOUS, IMBECILIC NEADERTHAL!" Hummel spits at him "Here I thought since you joined Glee and started behaving more like a human being rather than a fucking APE!, you were capable of changing for the better but clearly I have mistaken severely! You're still the same and will always be nothing more than a **disreputable, asinine and malevolent DICKHEAD!** Why is it that you feel the need to victimise me? Is it satisfying to you? Does it make it **feel **better about your worthless self, picking on the little queer? Well here's a big fat middle finger to you! Fuck you Noah Pucker, **Fuck You!**" Hummel proceeds to flip him off with great enthusiasm and struts away with perfect grace as if he hasn't just confronted McKinley's resident badass. If Puck isn't completely shocked and turned on like never-before by the demonstration (and that scrumptious perky ass), he would probably have beaten the shit out of the little fairy. Santana's and Mercedes' "The Boy Is Mine" duet had nothing on Kurt-fucking-Hummel and that's saying a lot because seriously, two fierce bitches vocally (and almost physically) fighting over him- not much can top that.

**HOLD THE FUCK UP! **Is he seriously sporting a boner of a lifetime because of KURT-fucking-HUMMEL? Turns out he likes his boys (or well **boy**, Puck hopes at least) super fierce too. **HOLYFUCKINGSHIT**, Noah Puckerman is in big fucking trouble. The fact that he's standing in the middle of the hallway with a clearly visible hard-on, unable to move while everyone's staring and whispering is just the fucking cherry on top…

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**And that's it...**

**_Reviews? Yes? No? Maybe?_**


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